January 31, 1998. The Demented Breakfast Cereal Treat (DBCT) Contest. Andy's birthday party. Wallingford neighborhood in Seattle. Gray drizzle outside. Discombobulated venue for the contest. Bizarre concoctions stacked everywhere. Paparazzi crowding about snapping flashes and hurling questions. Gleeful yet bedraggled guests underfoot. Eager yet flustered DBCT combatants taking sidelong glances at their opponents. A drumbeat of anticipation. Tuxedoes, kilts, evening gowns, brass bands, Ella Fitzgerald and Jeff Buckley and Tony Bennett on the stereo, fizzy stuff cooling in the fridge, doorbell ringing time after time.

It was darn hard to pick a winner. A number of entries vied for the honor of supreme despicability, inordinate crassness, repulsive ingredients, combinatory malice aforethought, and downright inedibility. The most heroic adventurer, however, was doubtless Jay, who spent a good 16 hours separating out the colored nuggets of most of a box of indescribable rainbow-colored cereal, and who then sculpted a chameleon with the results.

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